Baby Boomer Dating and First Dates! | San Francisco Womens Journal

Baby Boomer Dating…When the Phone
Doesn’t Ring after the First Date!

He washed his car before he picked you up. He chose the restaurant du jour because he knew that you adored Thai. The dinner repartee was clever, rich and intense.

by Katherine Forsythe, MSW

Katherine Forsythe

After dinner, you strolled arm in arm with him, down to the Embarcadero. You cuddled close together and star gazed. The goodnight kiss was warm, and luscious. You virtually skipped back to your house after he left.

You can’t escape the thought…

This one is a keeper, Mr. Wonderful!

The Phone Doesn’t Ring

Then, the phone doesn’t ring. For days. No email. No text message. What gives?

You begin to obsess. Did I drop the ball? Maybe I promised to call him?

What if I just shoot him a quick text? I will e-mail him with the names of those CDs we talked about. Does he have another woman?

And the big one: Was I too fat/skinny/flat-chested/big butted/tall/short/pick-a-fault!?

Be Prepared for the Ups and Downs

In the world of midlife dating be prepared for the confusion and anxious feelings that arise. And remember, that although it’s many, many years later since that first date in High School, men and women still approach relationships from very different perspectives.

Men think in boxes with events neatly compartmentalized, separately. Women think in one long flowing interconnected line. That means that we women build on events – one leads to the next, and so forth.

Yes, men get smitten, too – but their hardwiring doesn’t frantically build the love of their life scenario after the first date, as our hardwiring does.

If You Felt Good Energy…He Probably Did Too!

Don’t take it personally, and don’t call him right away. If you felt good energy, chances are that he did too, and he will call again on his schedule. Maybe it will be right away… maybe not.

And in this age of the liberated woman, you may not like this next bit of advice: Let him come to you. Yes, it still bears out in the long run.

Ebb and Flow of Dating at Midlife

Dating at every age and stage of life has a natural “ebb and flow” to it. At midlife it’s important to be your own best friend when it comes to dating. Remember to honor your personal journey, be kind and nurturing of yourself. And at the same time extend the same respect to your date.

We all arrive at midlife dating having navigated the potholes and pitfalls of life and relationship experiences. Our experiences affect each of us very differently.

While you’re waiting for Mr. Wonderful to call, consider the best advice your Mother may have given you in high school. There are plenty of other fish in the sea. Keep fishing!

And trust that when he’s really the ONE, it will be Wonderful for both of you!

Katherine Forsythe, MSW, is committed to bringing joy and insight into relationships, intimacy, and sexuality for women at midlife and beyond. Through her blog, consulting, and speaking, she inspires us to redefine and invigorate intimacy and relationships on our terms, as we mature.

Her post graduate work includes San Francisco State’s Institute for Human Sexuality. Kat is credentialed by AASECT – the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists. Please visit her website, GetaSecondWind, to learn more.

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