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Heart-Centered Communication

Jodi Perelman SF Marriage Family Therapist 297x300 Heart Centered Communication by Jodi Perelman MFT

One of the keys to developing a flexible and flourishing relationship is making a commitment to practice heart-centered communication with your partner, who is willing to doing the same.

Here’s a tip on how it works:

The foundation for effective, heart-centered communication is the commitment to taking full responsibility for your feelings and learning to communicate them in an honest and open way.

Here are the four key pieces. First, you make the commitment, which means going for it despite any challenges and difficulties. Second, you take full self-responsibility for your feelings, even if they’re painful or hard to express. This means being willing to say, “I feel hurt, angry, jealous, upset, joyful, excited” or whatever the true feeling is.

The third part is that you express your feelings without blaming, attacking or withdrawing from your partner. Here’s the difference:

“I felt upset when you came home late.” This is being self-responsible. “You made me feel bad when you came home late” is a subtle form of blaming.

When in doubt, always go for an “I” statement.

The last part is a willingness to share the vulnerable, tender parts of yourself. When we feel hurt, it’s much easier to blame or withdraw than to open up and share what really happened. However, when you’re with a partner who’s willing to do the same, this sharing becomes an act of courage, strength and love.