Intimacy: Loincloths, Clubs, and Conversation…the Beginning!
Katherine Forsythe
by Katherine Forsythe, MSW
Intimacy, Sexuality, and Relationship Counselor
Intimacy was born in “prehistoric” times – and so was the difference in how men and women interpret it. Intimacy, in the true sense of the word, is the need to be chummy with another human being.
It’s the need to feel connected, to be close. It’s about friendship, trust, faith, dependence, and belief in another person, and occasionally but not always, sex.
Intimacy is Hard Wired
It’s worth revisiting those earliest years. The hard wiring of the sexes around intimacy was crystal clear. Men were from Mars, then, too – with warrior-like thinking that stifled interdependence with another. Go figure … in “prehistoric “times, our male counterparts followed the order of the animals they hunted – eliminate competitors and guarantee the mate of choice.
No time to get cozy and chatty with another guy when you were about to clobber him for the privilege of bedding the best woman!
Women, on the other hand, needed each other once the offspring from the winner of the competition was born, and Daddy had beaten a fast path back to tracking saber tooth tigers . (Ok, so saber tooth tigers and early mankind didn’t dwell on this planet at the same time. If Hollywood can stretch the truth, so can I!).
It truly took a village to raise a child. Women quickly learned to share and divide tasks, to encourage play with the children, to build trust, and to gossip about all of it.
Intimacy is the Foundation of Personal Relationships
This month, we’re exploring Intimacy, the second major ingredient on The Wheel of Sexuality. The term sexuality is an umbrella term for articulating our womanhood. The Wheel of Sexuality give us a format for honoring and celebrating our unique and individual expression of our womanhood. Last month, we examined how life wisdom contributes to our womanhood.
Intimacy is the foundation of personal relationships. As women, we are hard wired with hormones that work as networking bridges. We naturally seek a connection before we proceed with any liaison – corporal, spiritual, or just casual friendship. With the exception of occasional hard core lust, we want a common bond, first. We look for mutual interests, a feeling of safety with another, trust and something to believe in.
Women’s Intuiton is REAL
“Women’s intuition” is real – the result of hormones and the necessity for quick assessment of the intruding cave man of days of yore. Is this hungry guy suitable to be the father of my children? Not a lot of time for conversation. That gut judgment still works for us. We just “know” sometimes.
As sexual women, we have a gift of intensity of intimacy that men don’t have. We have the ability to listen to feelings that will usually lead us to the right connection. During an especially great roll in the hay, we get flooded with hormones that create a feeling of closeness to our partner.
Here’s the catch in sexual relations: intimacy does not equal physical sex. They aren’t the same things, although intimate feelings are a necessary contributor to a successful sexual episode for most women.
Most women can have intimacy without sex, but no sex without intimacy. Most men can have sex with or without intimacy. (Remember the need to get back to the Saber Tooth tiger as soon as possible!). That’s where many relationship snafus begin. Conversation with your partner and understanding male hard wiring helps.
Your Unique Need for Intimacy
Every woman will express her unique need for intimacy differently. Some are happy with a few deep friendships. Others will need to be more intense with multi-layered, profound connections; still others will naturally seek passionate sexual bonds to get the level of intimacy required. Whatever form it takes, intimacy, closeness to another human being, is an essential part of who we are as women.
Next month we will explore sensuality, the 3rd wedge on the Wheel of Sexuality.
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Category: Sex & Love
About the Author (Author Profile)
Katherine A. Forsythe, MSW is an expert in human sexuality, intimacy, and relationships. Her passion is to invigorate sexuality and intimacy. She work with clients privately – both in her office and by phone, presents keynotes, provides workshops, and appears regularly on radio and television. Her new book: Sexperienced: Guide for the Seasoned Woman Seeking New Possibilities will be released in April.
To learn more please visit her website, GetaSecondWind.com. If you have a question or would like to contact Katherine send her an e-mail or call her at (415) 702-9544. All inquires are strictly confidential! Be sure to mention the SF Bay Area Woman’s Journal, and receive 25% discount on your first session!
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