Is it Love, Lust or Infatuation?
Katherine Forsythe
You can’t stop thinking about him. Every time your phone rings you gasp, wondering if it’s HIM. You’re at Starbucks and unexpectedly, HE shows up, and he’s all alone.
by Katherine Forsythe, MSW
Intimacy, Sexuality, and Relationship Counselor
Did you tell him you would be at Starbucks today? Your mind races…what should you say to him? (Hey, how’s it going? [No] Hi – I didn’t know you’d be here! [Lame.] Bon jour! [You’re kidding me.]) You are awkward and tongue-tied.
You ask yourself: What’s the MATTER with me?
It’s Infatuation!
Relax. Whether you are 17, 37, 57, or 97, there is NOTHING the matter with you. Like many women, you are simply and solidly in lust – doing what we all do, at any age, when a captivating new man marches into our life and a new romance blossoms.
The secret is to recognize this as infatuation. Do not mistake it for love.
Relationships come in four distinct categories: Interest, Intrigue, Infatuation, and Love. They don’t necessarily happen together, or in any given order. Infatuation can feel like love. It acts like love. It gives you lots of fun, but also gets you into the most trouble, and the biggest heartbreaks.
Infatuation is an intense, time-limited state of affairs. Thank goodness, because it is exhausting! All those middle of the night phone calls, the obsessing, the heart pounding – it wears you out!
The good news is that infatuation is necessary and wonderful. It floods us with endorphins and pleasure hormones that make the world a beautiful, exhilarating place.
What Goes Up, Must Come Down
But, caution! What goes up must come down. Infatuation’s romance has an evil twin – a dark side. It turns out Cupid is not as emotionally stable as we would like. For all the amorous, euphoric feelings of romance, there can be equal moments of gloom, based mostly on an age-old question…How could he do this to me?
Remember to Exhale
What should you do when you feel out of control and love-struck? Be honest with yourself about where you are in the relationship. Infatuation is fun and fabulous when it’s ridden with hearts, flowers and hot sex.
But recognize that you are at an unbalanced place. Take time to exhale. Spend some time by yourself for reflection. Talk to your girlfriends. All of these will help you keep perspective on your new “love”.
Real Love Takes Time
A few years ago, there was a diamond advertisement that read, “Nothing worthwhile happens fast”. Cupid isn’t going to like it, but this phrase applies heartily to true love. Infatuation is the trickiest of all emotional waters to navigate. Enjoy it, but be honest with yourself about what is happening. Real love takes time.
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Category: Relationships
About the Author (Author Profile)
Katherine A. Forsythe, MSW is an expert in human sexuality, intimacy, and relationships. Her passion is to invigorate sexuality and intimacy. She work with clients privately – both in her office and by phone, presents keynotes, provides workshops, and appears regularly on radio and television. Her new book: Sexperienced: Guide for the Seasoned Woman Seeking New Possibilities will be released in April.
To learn more please visit her website, GetaSecondWind.com. If you have a question or would like to contact Katherine send her an e-mail or call her at (415) 702-9544. All inquires are strictly confidential! Be sure to mention the SF Bay Area Woman’s Journal, and receive 25% discount on your first session!
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