Love, Marriage…then What?

Kristin Southwick

As wedding season is quickly approaching, women and their partners spend a lot of time planning for their special events, and often leave less time and energy to discuss what happens after the ceremony and honeymoon are over.

by Kristin Southwick
CA Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

The All Important Conversations Before Saying “I Do!”

I find that many couples avoid or do not realize the all important conversations to discuss before saying “I do.” 

Healthy relationships need to include passion and intimacy as well as the willingness to discuss the practical matters of daily living and building a future together.

These conversations help to ensure that both partners feel aligned as they develop their future relationship. 

Set aside time, perhaps a half an hour at first, in a place where you and partner feel comfortable to talk without distractions.  Do not rush through these topics and listen with an open heart and curiosity. Give each other time to think and respond without interruption. This is an opportunity to explore hopes, dreams, and expectations of yourself, your partner, and your future life together. 

Make Time to Explore Your Hopes, Dreams
and Future Life

Here is a brief summary of some important topics to think about.  Often these questions lead to other discussions that are important and more specific to you and your partner. 

Family – How many children do we want? How will we raise them? How do we imagine we will discipline our children? What would we do if we couldn’t conceive children? What are important values and morals we want to live by and raise our children with?

Finances – Who will manage the short term and long term finances? Will we combine our bank accounts or manage our money separately? What are our financial priorities and goals?

Home Life – Where do we want to live and raise a family? How will we share daily chores?

Careers – What are our career goals in one year, five years, twenty years? What kind of support are we expecting from each other to meet these goals? (ie. being clear about expectations of work hours and schedules, possible travel)

Intimacy – How do we prefer to show and receive love and affection?  What does each of us need to feel wanted and appreciated?

Spirituality – What role does spirituality play in both our lives? How will this be implemented in our future and with our families and children?

It is important to understand that some of these questions will be challenging to answer.  It is difficult to know how we will react to something until we are faced with it. 

Build Your Relationship Communication Skills

However, I encourage you to think about these questions and answer them as best you can.  In doing so, you will build your relationship communication skills. You will be able to talk through and navigate important discussions which will help prepare you for when decisions ultimately need to be made.

I recommend these topics be discussed throughout your relationship. 

As we all know, we are constantly growing and changing, which is healthy and wonderful.  Discussing these topics help you and your partner to grow and evolve together; and…

“live happily ever after”.

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Tags: family, love, Marriage, Parenting

Category: Couples