San Francisco Womens Journal » family

Is Your Relationship Dead or Alive: Relationship vs Relating

SFWJ — Wed, 28 Jul 2010 11:37:12 +0000

Rick Snyder

Why is it that most of the time, people talk about their relationship but very few people actually pay attention to how they are relating? What I mean is this: the idea or concept of relationship becomes a step removed from the actual quality of connection that is happening moment to moment.

by Rick Snyder
SF Bay Area Therapist and Life Coach

Relationship is a Noun

We often relate to our “relationship” is as if it is a static, solid thing. We “thingify” it.

“Yeah, we’re working on our ‘relationship.’” “The most important relationship in my life is……”

If you feel into it, you can feel the heaviness of how the relationship has become a fixed concept, a thing to deal with, even if it’s to celebrate.

What goes missing; is the reality that a relationship is alive, always changing, and happening moment to moment.

As soon as we relate to our relationship as a thing, we begin to deaden it ever so subtlety until one day, it actually begins to feel like a relic – even when we are still in it!

Relating is a Verb

The most alive question of all is to begin feeling into how you are relating in this moment. What is the quality of your relating? Can you feel the spark? The attraction? Even the dullness? What’s happening as he looks you in the eyes, and you turn away?

Even if you feel into what you’re not sharing with your partner, by bringing awareness to this moment you focus your attention on the quality of relating that is happening right now. Shifting and bring aliveness to the quality of your relating only happens in the present moment.

Begin tuning in to how you are tuning in.

The Juice of Relating and the Dryness of Relationship

Relating is an alive verb that is constantly occurring in each moment. It is the only place where a real transaction or exchange is happening. Otherwise, we are relating to our relationship as an idea. And that means it’s already somewhat fixed, dead or a concept vs. an alive experience to…experience. We assume we know what our partner will say next, and miss each opportunity to bring a freshness to our experience.

So continue asking yourself, how am I relating right now?
Rick Snyder, MA, Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) and MFT Intern, is a life coach and therapist in private practice in the San Francisco Bay Area. He is as also a course leader for the Authentic Man Program and The Transformational Coaching and Leadership Training.

Rick is passionate about helping men, women, and couples discover their purpose, power, and aliveness in their careers and in their relationships. Drawing upon his background in Somatic Psychology, Emotional Body Awareness, meditation, and martial arts, Rick also infuses his work with humor, providing an uplifting and potent blend of profound awareness, authenticity, and play. For more information, check out Rick’s services at RickSnyder.org.

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Furniture for Small Spaces: Storage Magic!

SFWJ — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 18:29:47 +0000

Beryn Hammil

In my last article Secret’s to Decorating Small Spaces, I shared some tips on how to look at the floor plan of the smaller space you’re considering. It’s important to give some thought to how the space will support your lifestyle. Another significant aspect for you to consider is…storage.

by Beryn Hammil
SF Bay Area Interior Designer

As you can imagine, condo or apartment living presents a storage challenge. Fortunately, furniture manufacturers have considered this lifestyle change as they design new lines. People, who are downsizing, as well as young apartment dwellers, are the beneficiary of this change in design direction

Furniture that Works Magic as Storage

Almost every piece of furniture has the potential to give you a place in which to store stuff. Ottomans have tops that lift off to provide storage inside the cube. Some even have tops that become serving trays! Beds have drawers built into the framing underneath the mattress as a place to store either clothing or seldom used items. Media cabinets have lifts built into them so the flat screen TV doesn’t have to be visible if you don’t want it to be seen 24/7.

Remember the piano bench whose seat lifts up to store sheet music? Well, now there’s even a chaise whose seat lifts up to provide storage underneath it too!

Small dwelling denizens have much to choose from when it comes to practical furniture.

Sleep options are endless: we’re all familiar with sofas that convert to beds and wall units that tilt down to become beds (the Murphy bed). Both have been around for decades. Now there are club chairs that convert to single beds, sofas that convert to bunk beds, and narrow window seats that pull out to become full size beds.

Furniture too can be as flexible as kids’ Transformer toys: console tables expand into dining tables, coffee tables lift to become dining tables, small cabinets open to reveal beds, and mirrors magically become wall-mounted flat screen TVs.

If it can be imagined, it probably exists. And if it doesn’t already exist, there’s someone out there who can make it for you.

This variety of options makes a smaller home seem as if it has more space in which to live, and without all the hassle of a larger house.

To downsize one’s living space is now the “cool” thing to do, no matter what your age. And with all these clever ways to make a smaller space more practical, even people who don’t need to downsize are choosing to live smaller. Perhaps it’s a sign of the times, but whatever your motivation, it’s something you can embrace with both arms.

Beryn Hammil is the owner of Beryn Hammil Designs, a San Francisco Bay Area Interior Design and Decorating Firm. She is known for “creating spaces people love coming home to every day.” As a designer, Beryn listens carefully to her clients’ needs, and then expands on them to create the homes that people enjoy living in for years after the work is complete.

Beryn is a member of ASID and is known throughout the Bay Area for the “Design Dilemma” columns she writes for the San Francisco Chronicle’s Home & Garden section. Her interior design and remodel projects are as compelling as her written ideas. To learn more please visit her website BerynHammil.com, connect with her on Facebook or follow her on Twitter.

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Personal Wealth: How to Handle a Financial Windfall

SFWJ — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 12:34:57 +0000

Cathy Curtis

Some of us will be the fortunate recipients of a sudden, unexpected or unearned sum of money that can be life changing. Unfortunately, many of us will blow it. Such is the nature of sudden wealth.

by Cathy Curtis, Certified Financial Planner

Whether it is an inheritance, a bonus, a commission from a large business deal, or proceeds from the sale of a company – once the money hits the bank it can be hard not to spend it.

Often, the money will be three-quarters of the way gone before the beneficiary realizes that it may not last. Some get help to figure out how to manage the remaining sum, others just keep spending until it’s gone. Let’s face it: it’s not difficult to spend lots of money buying and furnishing a bigger house, collecting art, traveling, being generous with family and friends, or upgrading wardrobes and lifestyles.

How can a person avoid the pitfalls of sudden wealth?

1. Lock the money into a 6-month CD and experience a “cool-down” period to absorb your good fortune and experience the emotions that can come with getting a windfall.

2. Keep your job and don’t quit just because you receive a large sum of money.

3. Crunch some numbers. If you want to upgrade your lifestyle, create a new budget and calculate whether it is sustainable over your lifetime. If you aren’t good with numbers or need objectivity, make an appointment with a financial advisor who will do the projections for you.

Have your advisor prepare what-if scenarios depending on your dreams and goals. What if you quit your job and took a new one at half the pay to do what you love? What if you took a year-long sabbatical to study art history in Paris? What if you bought an $800,000 second home in Tahoe? Would your financial plan still work?

4. Once you know what you need to sustain your lifestyle you can build an investment portfolio. What you invest in will depend on your time horizon, risk tolerance and financial goals. Some may be invested for income and some for growth. Get help if you need it.

5. Choose your advisors wisely. When you interview advisors find out how they are paid. That information alone will tell you what kind of advice you may receive. Ask for references and check them.

6. If you want to help out family or friends with gifts or loans, go back to your financial projections to see if you can afford it. Keep transactions at arm’s length when possible.

Think about the future. Do you want your new fortune to last for a few years? Or do you want it to help you create a more comfortable life over many years? The good fortune of choice is yours!

Cathy Curtis is an independent fee-only Certified Financial Planner and CA Registered Investment Advisor based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Her firm, Curtis Financial Planning (since 2001) specializes in the finances of women, their families and their businesses.

Cathy passionately believes in Financial Literacy and educates consumers through her website CurtisFinancialPlanning, her blog: Of Independent Means, and her facebook business page Women and Money. She speaks frequently about personal finance issues – most recently at the Financial Women’s Association in San Francisco, National Association of Personal Financial Advisors Norcal Group, and the Commonwealth Club.

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Work/Life Balance: 3 Ways to Make More Time for Your Family!

SFWJ — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 17:25:41 +0000

Kristin Southwick

Part 3 of my series on “Work Life Balance, The Juggling Act” is a very critical one…How to create quality time with your family while also meeting work demands, finding time to rejuvenate yourself, and continuing to foster relationships.

by Kristin Southwick
CA Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

I have found that many people I work with struggle to find time to spend with their loved ones. Busy family schedules add to the feeling of impossibility and stress of creating family time together.

However, I think what’s most important is not the quantity of time, but the “quality of time”.

Consider these 3 suggestions to help you create quality family time:

1. Family Dinner Nights

Although schedules can be tricky, make it a priority to have at least three dinners together a week. This will be a great way to catch up on each other’s day-to-day life. It is essential during this time to turn the cell phone and TV off, and put Facebook away!

Use this time to talk with each other and open the lines of communication between family members. Ask each person to discuss what’s important to him or her or something special about his or her week. This is a great time for parents to acknowledge their children and each other for their successes.

One way to engage the entire family is to have each person take a turn choosing his/ her favorite meal and help prepare it. If weekdays are a bit hard to get everyone around the dinner table, take advantage of free time during weekends. This will build a wonderful family tradition that your children will look back on and cherish. And who knows…one day they may even continue the tradition with their own families!

2. Family Trips

Traditional weeklong family vacations may be difficult to take during this economic downturn. However, family trips are a wonderful way to bond, create memories and are something all family members look forward to.

A simple, fun and less expensive alternative may be a weekend trip. Or consider less expensive outings, such as camping. You can always pitch a tent in a back yard or even your living room for a fun adventure!

Encourage everyone to participate in all the details from planning through execution so that they feel their suggestions are important and validated.

3. Family Nights

Planning a weekly evening with the family can be relaxing and enjoyable. Renting movies, playing games, going for bike rides or to the park, picnicking at the beach, attending local sporting events are just some ideas. Allow each member a chance to pick an activity so his or her interest is recognized. This insures that every family member feels included and equally important.

I hope these suggestions spark some creative ideas to help you easily plan and enjoy time with your family. With a little thought, family time can be fun and exciting, without spending a lot of money.

No matter how you decide to spend time with your loved ones, remember to talk, laugh, and turn off all the distractions around you.

Not only will this improve the “quality” of those precious moments, but it let’s all family members know that you cherish your time together!

Kristin Southwick is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with the CA Board of Behavioral Science and received her Master’s from John F. Kennedy University. She has a private practice in San Francisco and Burlingame.

Kristin believes therapy is a meaningful experience that offers a supportive and confidential space to explore aspects of one’s life and relationships. She provides brief and long term counseling services to children, adolescent, adults, couples, and families. For more information regarding Kristin’s practice, please visit her website, KristinSouthwick.com.

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Plan Your Wedding: It Starts by Choosing the Right Venue!

SFWJ — Mon, 28 Jun 2010 14:47:35 +0000

Laurel Winzler

We all think of June as the month for weddings. In fact, here in the SF Bay Area the fall is more popular, due to the good weather we experience in September and October. No matter when your wedding is; it all starts with choosing the right venue!

by Laurel Winzler
Floral and Event Designer

Starting the Process

If you’ve recently planned any type of party or social event, you understand how expensive it is to entertain in the Bay Area. The cost of venue, food, rentals, flowers, photography and entertainment is far beyond what most people anticipate. Many a bride finds herself immediately torn between the idea of the “dream wedding” she’s always wanted and the hard reality that it may exceed her budget.

No one can expect to “have it all” despite the costs. A wedding involves the efforts of many talented and experienced professionals, and the fees they charge can’t be negotiated away. Nor can the costs of materials, labor and transportation be compromised on.

No matter how much a bride wants top quality, unless she’s prepared to pay for it some trade-offs will need to be made.

It All Starts with Selecting the Right Venue!

The first thing that every bride does is select a location for her ceremony and reception. Every other aspect of the wedding is dependent on the venue, so making this first choice be the right choice is extremely important.

Event venues come in two types: commercial entities like hotels, restaurants and private clubs; or free-standing event spaces like mansions, social halls, art galleries, etc.

Commercial spaces offer the advantage of one-stop shopping, where things like food and beverage, rentals, audio-visual and cake are part of a package at a per-head cost for each guest. Independent venues (called “off premises” sites) typically offer nothing more than an empty space where every item for the wedding needs to be brought in by an outside vendor.

Many people opt for the all-inclusive approach because it means less leg work and fewer decisions. The disadvantage is that there will be less variety and flexibility in what’s offered, and it may seem less “personal” to the couple.

By contrast, an empty mansion offers endless possibilities for food and decor, but also many more details that need to be addressed and coordinated. And therefore more work and stress for the couple.

Understanding your personal priorities will help you make the right choice at the beginning of the planning process.

Do It Yourself?

As a result of financial pressures, many couples are saving money by working with family and friends to “do it yourself” on some aspects of the wedding. Many wedding magazines and other media are also encouraging this approach – which has its pluses and minuses.

On the plus side, you can reduce spending by creating your own floral decor, or by eliminating flowers altogether and opting for other types of decorations such as paper garlands, candles, lanterns, etc. to fill the space.

The downside of do it yourself is that you may be taking on tasks that are more complicated or time-sensitive than you realize, which will definitely add to your last-minute stress. You also may be burdening family and friends by pressing them to help out, thereby reducing their enjoyment of the wedding.

There’s a reason why professionals charge what they do. It’s important to balance the aggravation and stress of DIY ideas vs. the cost of having someone else carry that burden for you.

Striking a Balance

Without a doubt, the best way to contain costs in planning a wedding is to LIMIT THE GUEST LIST !!! This has the biggest impact on overall expenses, since the costs for venue, food, alcohol, rentals, cake and decor are directly tied to the number of people who will be attending. By keeping the head count fewer than 100 people, a bride has a better chance of getting the quality of event she wants, and has many more creative and interesting options to choose from.

As is so often the case, the best approach may be moderation. Determine what your priorities are – food? music? flowers? – and allocate a realistic amount of your budget to cover those elements. Decide where you can scale back your expectations, to have what you need but perhaps not what your “dream” would be.

And always keep in mind that you’re planning a party, so keeping it fun for you and enjoyable for your guests is the highest priority of all!

Laurel Winzler left a career in the legal world to establish her successful floral and event design business, Laurel Designs. She has built a reputation for innovative and exciting designs, serving clients from Bay Area brides to the San Francisco Symphony. Drawing on years of experience as a performer and artist, she specializes in working with each client to enhance the beauty of their homes, offices and special events.

Laurel is a preferred vendor at many exclusive Bay Area event venues, and donates her time and talents to many organizations, including San Francisco Opera, Special Olympics, Make-a-Wish Foundation, the Community Music Center, Project Inform and the Junior League of San Francisco. In addition, she is a sought-after speaker at hospitality industry events. Please visit her website, flaurel.com, to learn more.

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Divorce and Money: Splitting the Assets

SFWJ — Fri, 25 Jun 2010 00:52:07 +0000

Allison Gervais

If money is a problem in your relationship, it’s probably going to become an even bigger problem with divorce. What if more money is owed on the house than it is worth? What about retirment accounts?

by Allison Gervais
Sr. Mortgage Loan Consultant

Your Home Value is Upside Down and You’re Divorcing…Now What?

You’re in the midst of a divorce and the value of your home is less than your mortgage. How do you navigate thru these troubled financial waters?

One of You Keeps the House

If one of you wants to keep the house, remember banks rarely allow a person to take his/her name off the loan, thus relieving them of any financial responsibility. The standard way this is completed is through a refinance.

Sell the House

If you both decide to sell, the only option available (in this case) is if the bank is willing to participate in a short sale. A short sale means the bank will accept less money than the balance of the mortgage due to a decline in value. This option leaves both owners without any cash from the sale and also having to find a new place to live.

If you’re the one who wants to move out, consider the risk of leaving your name on the mortgage. If your ex misses even one payment, it will ruin your credit. You will also have a harder time obtaining other credit if you have the mortgage responsibility PLUS your new living expenses since the mortgage will remain on your credit as an obligation.

Wait for the Value to Increase before Selling

Another option is waiting until the value increases before selling. This gives you the possibility of higher proceeds to share upon a later sale date. The two of you would need to decide who lives there (you could even rent it out) and how the mortgage gets paid. It’s a matter of deciding if you want to cut your losses now or stick it out for the market to turn around. There is also a moral decision as short selling or foreclosure allows you to walk away from an obligation you originally agreed to pay.

What about our Retirement?

Divide Retirement Assets without Liquidating

Another point to consider is that retirement accounts like 401(k)’s and pensions do not have to be liquidated to be split. In fact, closing or pulling money out of these accounts early will almost always land you with administrative charges, penalties and a load of deferred taxes.

A much smarter option is to divide the accounts via a Qualified Domestic Relations Order (QDRO). This order will segregate the funds in the account between you and your ex, while leaving the money where it is. Once the QDRO is entered and approved by the pension company, you will each own a separate part of the account.

You can each independently withdraw money if you have to (but will have to pay penalties just as if you were not getting divorced). Or just leave the account intact in the expectation that the value will increase when the economy improves. Some people make the mistake of just keeping their individual accounts and the person with more transferring over the difference. All accounts are not the same and you could end up with a lesser performing fund.

Talk to a CDFA (certified divorce financial analyst) or Financial Advisor for advice, not just your attorney. If you were not in control of your financial situation during your marriage or feel lost with getting back on your feet, a Divorce Coach can help you budget and map out a plan through the process, saving you money on attorney fees. You don’t have to do it alone!

Allison Gervais is a Senior Mortgage Loan Consultant with First Capital Group – a mortgage company in San Francisco, CA. She offers residential and commercial financing. Allison is also a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst and uses her expertise to assist clients with the equitable division of assets. Please e-mail Allison for more information.

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Secrets to Decorating Small Spaces!

SFWJ — Tue, 22 Jun 2010 14:35:12 +0000

Beryn Hammil

Now that the children are grown and are out on their own, many people are considering moving to smaller living spaces.

Moving to a smaller home may initially be challenging for a variety of reasons, including emotional, but smaller spaces can be better. For most people it offers a more practical lifestyle; there’s less to manage, clean, and maintain. Of course, there’s also less space and accompanying expenses to pay for too.

by Beryn Hammil
SF Bay Area Interior Designer

Consider this When Planning Your Move to a Smaller Home

Before you commit to a smaller space, look at the floor plan of your potential new home and make sure there’s enough space in it for you to create an inviting home. Ask yourself a few key questions:

Does the kitchen afford you all the amenities you need to function effectively in it?
Is the living room large enough to have a separate dining area?
Does the house or apartment have enough closets?
Do you really need a guest room that’s not used most of the time? Or can a guest room be a library, study, or media room whose sofa opens to a bed on those rare occasions when you have overnight guests?

Answers to these questions will help you make a wise decision about your new home.

CREATE THE ILLUSION OF SPACE

Rooms within Rooms

One of the best ways to make a smaller home seem larger is to arrange your furniture to create “rooms within rooms.”

For example, did you know that a sofa can also be a room divider? Instead of putting it against a wall facing into the room, put it in the room perpendicular to the wall so that its back is facing towards part of the open space of the room. This visual separation can effectively make a living room and dining room out of one space. Two rooms for the price of one!

To help reinforce this divided room concept, place a console table (with ottomans under it for extra seating when you need it) or a credenza (it can provide storage space) at the back of the sofa. Add a pair of console-height table lamps on top of it and put some of your favorite accessories in between. This provides lighting for the sofa area as well as ambient light for the new dining room.

The newly created dining area is perfect for socializing when friends join you for a lovely dinner. Additionally, your dining table also gives you and your guests a place to sit and play cards or board games.

Furniture that Serves Multiple Purposes

Back to the living room area; be sure you have enough seating for guests and to give yourself a change of place in which to sit. Swivel chairs, comfortable in and of themselves, also give you the opportunity to face in a different direction without having to rearrange furniture. Very practical for a small home!

A coffee table is a necessity, but can occupy lots of visual space. A glass table on the other hand, is still a functional surface but without taking up so much “eye” space. Alternatively, consider a coffee table that has ottomans stored under it as part of its design. When you have guests, the ottomans are wonderful for quick seating, and grandchildren love to make secret forts out of them!

Mirrors Create the Illusion of More Space

Mirrors are another wonderful way to make a small space appear larger. Instead of mirroring an entire wall, think about a large, framed mirror as a major element on a wall in the room. It can literally create the illusion of twice the space, and with its frame, it seems like a work of art in and of itself.

Close the Door and Away You Go…NO Worries!

Downsizing to a smaller space used to be a word that struck terror in the hearts of homeowners. Not so much any more. It’s now an opportunity to live a freer lifestyle. More people are looking forward to being able to just lock the door and go on a trip without a worry about who will water the garden and watch the old homestead. That’s reason enough to give up the large house in exchange for a smaller space in which to live a more carefree life.

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Organic vs Conventional Fruits and Vegetables: What Should You Buy?

SFWJ — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 11:50:43 +0000

Kristin Hoppe

Summer is here and produce is abundant! It is especially important at this time of year to monitor where you’re buying your produce as many of the seasonal treats of summer can be laden with pesticides.

By Kristin Hoppe
Certified Nutrition Consultant

Beware of Pesticides in Your Produce!

Synthetic pesticides are toxic and can attack our central nervous system. Studies have shown an even higher risk for pregnant women and children as pesticides can interfere with growth and development. According to the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA), 60 percent of herbicides, 90 percent of fungicides and 30 percent of insecticides are known to be carcinogenic (capable of causing cancer).

The latest news is The California Department of Pesticide Regulation has proposed registering methyl iodide (a toxic carcinogen) as a pesticide in California to be used on strawberries and other crops. Now more than ever, it is important to know where your food is coming from. Your health depends on it.

Organic versus Conventionally-Grown: What to Buy?

To help you navigate organic versus conventionally-grown produce, The Environmental Working Group publishes a list of the “Dirty Dozen” or worst offenders when it comes to levels of pesticides detected. The list is based on studies conducted by the FDA and USDA from 2000-2008, and they re-publish this list once per year.

Produce with the Highest Level of Contamination:

The Dirty Dozen or Produce with the HIGHEST level of contamination from pesticides include: (i.e.: BUY these Organic!)

1)     Celery
2)     Peaches
3)     Strawberries
4)     Apples
5)     Blueberries
6)     Nectarines
7)     Bell Peppers
8)     Spinach
9)     Kale
10) Cherries
11) Potatoes
12) Grapes (Imported)

Produce with the Lowest Level of Contamination:

Produce with LOWEST level of contamination from pesticides include:

1)     Onions
2)     Avocados
3)     Sweet Corn (frozen)
4)     Pineapples
5)     Mango
6)     Sweet Peas (frozen)
7)     Asparagus
8)     Kiwi Fruit
9)     Cabbage
10) Eggplant
11) Cantaloupe
12) Watermelon
13) Grapefruit
14) Sweet Potato
15) Honeydew Melon

Tips for Buying Produce:

1) Shop Local Farmers Markets: Support your local farmers. Talk with them. Many times the farmer is not able to pay the hefty fee for the “USDA Organic” stamp of approval. Often times the farm follows organic (and sometimes better than organic) standards but is not able to label it as such.

2) Buy in Season: Again, by shopping the farmers market, you will only be able to buy in season. Buying in season ensures you get the maximum nutritional value out of your food, as it has not been sitting around, shipped half way around the world, or preserved. It will taste better too!

3) Join a CSA (Community Supported Agriculture): There are many farms that will provide you fresh, local, seasonal produce delivered to your door or your neighborhood. Some farms even provide eggs from pasture-raised chickens. Not only are you supporting your local farmer, but you are also guaranteed to get great quality, freshly picked, seasonal produce at an inexpensive price.

4) Read Labels: If you shop in a supermarket, read the sticker or produce sign to see where the produce is coming from. Ask the produce manager. Fruits and vegetables lose nutritional value the longer they sit around. Produce sticker labels that start with the number 9 are organic, 4 are conventional, and 8 are GMO (Genetically Modified).

Get to know your food! The health of you and your family depends on it.
Kristin Hoppe, BS, NC, is a Certified Nutrition Consultant, Educator, and Natural Chef. She received her nutrition and culinary training from Bauman College, and holds a Bachelor of Science degree in Chemical Engineering from Lafayette College.

Based in San Francisco, CA, her practice, Food Therapy, is dedicated to improving people’s health through an inspiring and comprehensive nutritional approach that celebrates food. Kristin takes a holistic approach to health, providing clients with coaching and nutrition programs designed to facilitate healing with lasting results. She specializes in weight management, food allergies, digestive disorders, fatigue, depression & anxiety, and detoxification & cleansing. Please visit FoodTherapySF to learn more.

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SF Bay Area Featured Artist: Eve Shen

SFWJ — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 13:46:36 +0000

“I try to live an interesting life, why be boring when you can be exciting?” exclaims the SF BAWJ June feature Artist, Eve Shen!

Eve’s parents set the stage for an exciting life when they moved their family from Taiwan to the United States. She was 11 at the time and her parents settled their family in New Jersey.

Art has always been a part of Eve’s life…starting with coloring books as a child and later as her favorite class in high school. That interest continued into college where Eve attended the Fashion Institute of Technology and earned a Bachelor’s Degree in Graphic Design. Feeling stuck in New York, she eventually moved to San Francisco to pursue her passions and see new things!

Art is Therapy for Eve

Eve describes art as her therapy. When she is creating she is often “dancing” at the same time. Her artwork provides a way to get her energy out and to feel good. It’s also a place where she can explore new things and do what feels right to her in the moment.

Chocolate Rasberry

Being a Mom is a New Kind of Creative Expression!

And lately…her moments have been filled with a new kind of creative expression…a son. Today Eve finds herself in the fulltime role of “Mom”. She happily says that her art right now is finding creative ways to raise her son!

"Bulls Eye" was featured on the June cover.

Art Provides Self-Expression and Life Balance

Visual art still has a place in Eve’s life. She relishes the opportunity for self expression and balance that it brings to her life today. Her son and his wonderful imagination are an endless source of inspiration as well as the simple act of stepping outside and experiencing the natural beauty of the Bay Area.

Eve describes her work as organic, fresh, colorful and happy! To learn more please visit her web site at eveshen.com.

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Life Balance: Making Time for YOU!

SFWJ — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 12:12:18 +0000

Every time you board a plane, you hear the stewardess instruct you to put your own air mask on before helping those seated around you. Many women feel an instinctual desire to help their children and others first.

However the words of the stewardess turn out to be vital…not only in the event of emergencies but also in your daily life.

by Kristin Southwick
CA Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist

You must help yourself first in order to be available and effective…
for those around you!

This is part 2 of a 4 part series on creating life balance. Last month we talked about the Juggling Act between work and home. In this article we’ll talk about an important part of life blance…finding time to nurture and care for yourself.

Consider this, when you are exhausted or overwhelmed, do you feel as though you have the same level of patience or desire to meet the needs of those around you?

Many women may feel guilty about taking care of themselves, or feel that they can’t spare any extra time to attend to their own needs. But if you take time to respect and listen to your body, you’ll have more energy, optimism, and patience for others. You’ll feel less depleted and will be able to create more balance in your life.

Following are 3 simple steps to help you make time to nurture yourself.

1. What’s Important to YOU

Think about what’s important to you…something you love that you don’t get enough of. Maybe you wish you had time to practice yoga, go to the gym, read a book, have a coffee date with friends, take a walk around your neighborhood, or indulge in warm bath with a glass of wine before bed.

These are all simple basic needs that are positive and healthy for the body, mind, and soul.

2. Consider Your Schedule

Once you discover what you would like to do to pamper yourself, consider your schedule.

How much time you would like to take to enjoy yourself so that you get a sense of fulfillment?

For example if it’s going to the gym, figure out what time of day would be best, morning before you get lost in the activities of the day, or maybe lunch time. Perhaps evenings or weekends would work better for you. Decide how long you want to stay, and how many times a week you feel you could participate. You might decide to take an hour right after work twice a week while your children are at day care.

3. Get the Support You Need

Now, talk to your partner about times during the week that each of you could plan something for yourself.

Brainstorm ways you can support each other without the guilt that sometimes comes with putting your needs first.

Perhaps your partner can watch the children so that you can pursue something that relaxes you. It’s so important to communicate with your partner as to what your needs are, and how taking time for yourself will help you and your relationship with those around you.

If you don’t have a partner, ask a family member, neighbor, or make arrangements to extend day care for an extra hour once week. Remember, if people offer to help you, take them up on their offers. They would not offer if they didn’t want to support you.

I hope this gives you some ideas and inspiration to plan something for yourself that you love and are passionate about. Taking care of yourself helps you be a better partner, mother, friend, career women, and person.

If you enjoyed this article, you may also like Part 3: Creating Quality Family Time!

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