The Mommy Dilemma: Stay Home or Work?

by Debbie Josendale, Publisher SF Bay Area Women’s Journal

Debbie Josendale

Recently I read an article in the Nov. edition of San Francisco Magazine titled Mother of All Recessions and have been haunted by the backward-looking tone. The author explores issues surrounding Working Moms versus Stay at Home Moms. Unfortunately her narrow focus promotes old worn out arguments that pit Working and Stay at Home Moms against each other.

The women’s movement of the 1970’s helped to give women choices that were previously only available to men. If this article had been written in 1970, it might be more relevant.

But it’s almost 2010 and as noted in Maria Shriver’s Woman’s Nation report, the women’s movement today is about shedding old stereotypes and…the power to choose to live your life on your terms.

Let’s Move Ahead with a Different Conversation…Support versus Divisiveness!

It’s time for a new conversation. One that is supportive and honors the choices that are best for where we are in our lives.

Giving birth is a deeply personal and individual experience for every woman. Staying at home with the kids or going back to work is also personal and a very important individual decision. Thus it’s not a good or bad scenario, but rather what works best for you and your family at this point in time.

Let’s focus on supporting one another and celebrating the abundance that is available to women today!

1. Women Have More Choices than EVER Before!

Today, a woman can go to college, stay single, get married, pursue a career, have children, decide to not have children, take time off to raise the kids, go back to work, own their own business, run for President of the U.S., rise to the top spot of Fortune 500 companies and more.

With all of these choices our decision making is much more complicated! To stay at home with your kids, return to work or somewhere in between is a difficult and different choice for every Mom.

2. Parenting is a JOB that Deserves Respect!

Stay at Home Moms and Dads are often referred to as “unemployed”. But have you ever considered the fact that if both parents are working…someone is HIRED to take care of the kids! That sounds like a job to me!

It’s time to respect the job of parenting and change our outdated notion that Stay at Home Moms or Dads don’t have a job! Parenting is one of the most important jobs any of us will ever do.

3. Define Success on YOUR Terms

Define success for yourself, on your terms.

In today’s world there is no one-size “June Cleaver” fits all definition of success.

As women, we experience many different phases in our life. Today we can choose and define what is right for our life at every point in our journey.

4. Embrace and Honor Your Feminine Powers

We no longer have to strive to be just like the guys. Dr. Barbara Mark writes in Women Leaders: It’s Time for a New Conversation, we no longer need to learn to lead from men and adopt the masculine style of leadership. We can be who we are—Women—and bring our own natural and authentic skills to our life and careers.

Let’s help move ourselves forward by honoring and valuing our feminine power!

5. Respect Yourself and Teach Others to Respect You

Eleanor Roosevelt said “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Never give it.”

Whether you’re a Stay at Home Mom or a Working Mom, remember this is not a zero sum game! Respect yourself for whatever decision you have made at this point in your life. If you don’t, no one else will either.

Thought Provoking

You can read the SF Magazine article here. I also recommend watching a video from this year’s CA Women’s Conference. David Gregory moderated a panel discussion on the status of American Women with special emphasis on the issue of working and stay at home Moms.

Participants included Madeleine Albright, Amy Holmes, Valerie Jarrett and Claire Shipman. It is the most thought provoking and inspiring discussion that I have seen on this topic. It is definitely worth watching.

What do you think? Let’s start a new converstaion…I’d like to invite you to post your thoughts and experiences on this important topic.

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Posted on 15. Dec, 2009 by SFWJ in Publisher's Note

Tags: family, Parenting, work/life balance

3 Responses to “The Mommy Dilemma: Stay Home or Work?”

Randy Pena 15 December 2009 at 5:54 PM #

I must say this is a great article i enjoyed reading it keep the good work
Allison Gervais 11 January 2010 at 6:18 PM #

Wow. Thanks for your insight and sharing the SF article link above. That article was almost as fascinating as all of the readers’ comments! The only conclusion I could come to was women need to spend more time supporting one another rather than comparing who has it more difficult or judging stay at home moms vs. working ones. I admit, I’m a tad envious of my sahm friends with ample financial means, as well as those with doctorate degrees in high-powered positions. Just as some are jealous of my single, work from home lifestyle (which also has it’s ups and downs) But once you really hear everyones stories, you realize there are/were sacrifices or hardships in every case.
Thanks for sharing this… very thought-provoking.

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