Women and Dating at Midlife: What He Wants!
Katherine Forsythe
His turn: What does your passing score look like to him on the first date?
In my last column, we talked about what “she” needs from “him” on a first date. This time it’s his turn. What does a guy need from a woman on the first date – to get him interested in going on to date #2?
by Katherine Forsythe, MSW
Intimacy, Sexuality, and Relationship Counselor
Differences in Hardwiring!
Keep in mind the differences in our hardwiring. Men decide within 15 minutes whether there is a spark. Women take 30 minutes to an hour to decide thumbs up or down. Why? Simply hardwiring.
Men are much more visual and are quicker to make decisions. Physical attraction and personality are high on the male scale.
That makes it easy for them to assess quickly.
First Dates…from the Guys Perspective
With that in mind, here are the by-laws of a successful first date from the male perspective. The SF Bay Area guys who contributed their opinion are all single, ages 38 to 70. A few are looking for life partners. Some just want to play. Here’s what they said:
I am ok with paying for the first date, but show me that you won’t be a blood sucker and depend on me for everything. Give me a hint that you will help out later on. Don’t pressure me to pay for everything all the time.
I want to know that you are accessible sexually. That doesn’t mean that I want to have sex on the first date. It just means that you need to make me feel masculine, and flirt a little. I hope you think I’m hot.
Know that physical attractiveness is important to me. You don’t need to be beautiful, just be confident. In fact, being too good looking and perfect makes me feel insecure.
Dress attractively – if you want to show cleavage that’s cool with me. Don’t give away the farm, however. Keep some mystery to be discovered.
I wish I could tell you how insecure I feel about this whole thing, and how I have to act like I know what I’d doing. I really have no idea. Please be patient with me if I appear clutzy.
Don’t talk so much. Give me a chance. Don’t make me feel like I’m sitting before the Inquisition.
Please don’t play games or try to be someone you aren’t. Just be yourself.
First Dates are Nerve Wracking for Everyone!
Men are just as nervous as women on the first date. It’s nerve wracking for us all! In the end, however, there is one indicator of a good first date that cannot be ignored. It’s nothing more than listening to your gut. It won’t lead you astray. If you leave feeling energized, pursue it. If your gut says no, think seriously before you accept the next date.
Next time: What if he doesn’t call you, and you had a great time on date #1? … and other tragedies of early dating at midlife and beyond. Stay tuned!
Sharing is caring…so if you enjoyed this article be sure to share it!
Category: Sex & Love
About the Author (Author Profile)
Katherine A. Forsythe, MSW is an expert in human sexuality, intimacy, and relationships. Her passion is to invigorate sexuality and intimacy. She work with clients privately – both in her office and by phone, presents keynotes, provides workshops, and appears regularly on radio and television. Her new book: Sexperienced: Guide for the Seasoned Woman Seeking New Possibilities will be released in April.
To learn more please visit her website, GetaSecondWind.com. If you have a question or would like to contact Katherine send her an e-mail or call her at (415) 702-9544. All inquires are strictly confidential! Be sure to mention the SF Bay Area Woman’s Journal, and receive 25% discount on your first session!
Subscribe
If you enjoyed this article, subscribe to receive more just like it.
[...] men get smitten, too – but their hardwiring doesn’t frantically build the love of their life scenario after the first date, as our hardwiring [...]